Kahuna

"" is episode #7 in The Wizard, the Witch, and the Wild One, released on May 23, 2024.

"The gang is undercover and overwhelmed. Office politics, a catering budget, special projects. Middle management, those implacable knaves. Morrow is a business, man. Field trips. Democracy. Bath time. Research and/or development. And finally. As if it wasn't bad enough: consequences.   — Official episode description."

Synopsis
Content warning: Self-harm near the end of the episode.

In the opulent courtyard of Kalabel Chantry, Suvi is being feted by Guild Mage Morrow. He tells her he's a collector of the works of Soft and Stone, gushing about how amazing they are. Suvi accepts this graciously, subtly showing off to Ame how important and impressive she is. As they're offered drinks, the Fox takes exception to being snubbed. Morrow marvels that a familiar could have the power of speech, and doesn't seem to know Naram the Wave Lord's name, even though it's a old form of greeting among the residents of his city.

Introductions are made, in which Ame is identified as a witch, and Eursulon asks Morrow to call him Bear. Morrow welcomes them both warmly, and leads them through an illusory wall to a hallway. Eursulon plays with the wall for a bit, delighted at the level of deference being shown to him as Suvi's companion. Suvi herself is shaken at the mention of her parents, but does her best to show no sign of it. She also speaks softly to Ame, hoping that the sheer volume of magic on display in this place will help to fill in some blanks about Suvi herself.

When Eursulon inquires why this chantry is so very magical in design, Morrow stumbles a bit, and says that the chantries are designed by the Prime Chorus, which is in Sarazmir. He lists evokers, arcanists and artificers as those who might be involved in this work. Suvi and Ame, however, can hear him struggling to put a good face on something that's truly just pretentious. He tries to change the subject by asking about Eursulon's training, but Suvi can't answer that question, so she shuts that down.

The group arrives at an overblown dining hall. The decor in the chantry leans heavily on crystal and quartz. The chairs are just two pillows magically hovering near one another; Eursulon tries to move them and can only barely shift the back one. He plays with that too, and an unnamed guild wizard objects far too politely for Eursulon to understand.

As plates with small amounts of delicate food float out to them, Ame reflects on the differences between the way Grandmother Wren used magic, and the way this place uses it -- this feels vulgar to her. Suvi subtly indicates fancy table manners to Eursulon, which he gamely tries. Morrow notices it, and Ame notices that; she deliberately makes a horrifying faux pas as well. The Fox wants to be offended that he's given a bowl of seafood bits, but reluctantly admits he likes it better than what they're eating.

Morrow asks after the purpose for their visit here. Suvi (badly) lies that she's just wandering around, experiencing the culture so she can better lead when archmage Silence retires. Even though Morrow is trying to humor them, Ame tries to help out with the lie and ends up identifying herself as Grandmother Wren's successor. Morrow has heard of Grandmother Wren, by reputation if not by name; she was mentioned in a military briefing when he took over here; local mages are of concern because Galthmei and Rhuv are known to try to undermine imperial rule in Akham. But he's swift to say that Wren wasn't considered an enemy or a collaborator with them, and he seems genuine. Suvi realizes he doesn't have the first idea how powerful Wren was, which means the Citadel obscured that information.

Morrow then asks after Eursulon's background. Eursulon, continuing the tradition of lying terribly, claims to be from Silbry -- the strongest man there, in fact. He tries to prove it by lifting heavy things, but even though he's good at feats of strength, it doesn't go well.

Ame changes the subject, asking about notable magic in the city. Morrow offers up the wizard derrick, which he seems keen to brag about -- apparently he's been working over the last decade to invent the thing, and get it constructed. He offers the party a tour, which they quickly accept. As Morrow describes how revolutionary and important he believes his discovery to be, the party gets an impression of him as someone who believes he's been denied opportunity he deserved, and that this derrick will prove he is worth more than the Citadel knew when they rejected him.

At this point, Pain enters the room. He is described as a tall, thin man with an olive complexion and a long face, wearing robes of deep red with brass accents. Their deep color (as contrasted with the pastel-pale robes of the wizards here) indicates that his role is administrative. He curtly interrupts their conversation to talk with Morrow about the budget, seeming not to recognize Suvi, and also seeming to be entirely done with Morrow's elaborate entertainments. When Morrow puts him off, Pain leaves as quickly as he came.

With that, Morrow arranges rooms for the party, which are compact but comfortable suites. He draws Suvi aside to express a bit of concern that Eursulon doesn't seem very strong for a protector, but Suvi acknowledges that she wasn't forthcoming with her reasons for traveling, and that her companions were chosen for a reason. Morrow is quick to assure her that he won't pry. Suvi asks about his collection related to her parents, and Morrow cheerfully escorts her to the chantry's research library to view it.

The library is a meticulously maintained place. Wizards handle all the books with great care, books that seem to come from a variety of places and ages. Many seem to be local in origin, books scooped up from around Akham. Restoration is underway for older volumes, and a number of curious tools are in place to assist. Perhaps unrelated, several of the wizards here appear to have been recently injured.

Pain approaches, and Morrow introduces Suvi with her full title. Pain greets her courteously, then turns his attention back to Morrow before Suvi has a chance to respond. Morrow quickly signs off on Pain's budget without bothering to look at it or ask what changed, eager to get back to Suvi. Suvi struggles to respond without giving away how offended she is. When Morrow has signed everything, Pain swiftly exits. Suvi instantly drops that she doesn't like him, and Morrow promises to reprimand him very sternly. Suvi waffles a bit before agreeing that it's warranted. Before Morrow runs off to do that, he gives Suvi a book with his collection of things about her parents. She carries it back to her room.

Suvi collects Eursulon (who has been trying to move furniture in his room) and Ame (who has been trying to convince the Fox to take a bath). Once they're behind closed doors, they quickly agree that they don't want to drop that they're after Wavebreaker to everyone they meet, so they're going to need a better cover story. Ame suggests that, if Suvi is in her Citadel garb, she could just look witheringly at people and not answer the question. Eursulon suggests she could be looking for some kind of military intelligence, and everyone quickly takes to that idea.

The group then turns to the subject of Pain, and whether it feels right to turn him in for the benefit of Will Gallows. They agree that, if they do, Gallows will most likely kill him -- but they also agree they could mitigate that by warning Pain beforehand, to give him a headstart like they did Finley. This feels fair to most everyone. Suvi floats the idea that they could bolster their position by finding a paper trail that proves Pain has been stealing. Because Eursulon has the ability to turn invisible for short periods, the group agrees it should be him and the Fox who go to find the office and steal a bunch of documents; hopefully some of them will be the proof they need. Suvi and Ame will create a distraction to help him go unnoticed.

The group sets off to find the office, and is quickly intercepted by several guild mages who offer to take them on a tour. They show the group laboratories and "experimentoriums". There's a warehouse and courtyard where armed members of the Azure Battalion are packing ominous green salt into barrels to be taken out to the wall. There's also a room with a big tank of water and a pile of wands on a table. When Suvi asks about this room, she's told that the derrick produces the wands enmasse, and that one in a hundred or so has the ability to create a huge current in the water, big enough to slosh the water up against the walls.

As the group passes the administrative wing, Eursulon and the fox excuse themselves to the washroom. As they wait for the wizards (and Ame) to leave, Eursulon warns the fox to never take a bath, saying that's the reason he smells like plants. The fox swears he never will.

With the rest of the party gone, Eursulon and the fox slip into the administrative wing. The quartz walls give way to wood paneling, and a deep red color to the doors and robes. They find Pain's cramped little office, but as they try to sneak up, he quickly spots them. Not quite knowing what to do, Eursulon tells him Suvi wants to speak with him. Pain gets up to follow Eursulon out, moving to close the door behind him. Before he can, Eursulon says he knows about Pain's 'situation', and tries to get him to follow along. As he does, the fox slips into the office unnoticed.

Elsewhere in the Chantry, Ame mentally checks in with the fox, and learns that he's been successful in sneaking in. She uses a cantrip to try to convince mages that their tree is on fire, and they awkwardly ask Suvi if she needs help dispelling it. The distraction team was not as successful as originally hoped.

Pain eyes Eursulon up, abruptly menacing. He threatens Eursulon, saying he will protect his sanctum, Suvi or no Suvi. Eursulon drops Will Gallows' name, and Pain pretends not to know him -- but asks what he's heard. If Gallows sent him. Eursulon tells him he should go and speak with Suvi, and that's all he knows. Pain is unconvinced; he draws a dagger, uses it to cut his own arm and then drops it, saying aloud that Eursulon struck him. With that, his hand crackles with electricity, and he prepares to fight.

Main player characters

 * Suvi
 * Ame
 * Eursulon

Returning

 * The Fox
 * Morrow

New

 * Pain, a guild mage and bursar at the Kalabel Chantry

Mentioned

 * Grandmother Wren
 * Silence
 * Soft
 * Stone
 * Will Gallows
 * Naram the Wave Lord